>i’m not okay. i’m cold and i feel alone. i wish there was someone in my life i can hold onto and make my problems go away. yet at the same time, i know when i need someone that badly, i know i’m not ready for them. this is such a conundrum. i dont even know what conundrum means, but it felt like something to say at the time. why does god have to make this so hard. then again, i feel like i know exactly why. i dont want to accept it. the idea of having god first in my life doesn’t sound as appealing as having people in my life. people are tangible. people can be seen, heard, touched. people answer back right away when i ask, sometimes with not the wisest of remarks, but they answer back nonetheless. they comfort you when you ask, and they understand your issues when you share them. sometimes, i just wish god could be that person to me. right now, he’s not. and he probably won’t ever be. god never does what i say.